Contradictions

Celebrities are blasting the “stay the fuck home” message on all Social Media platforms. I know - I KNOW - it’s the right message (I read the sciency articles, too) - but I do need to question the messengers. Who is getting their groceries for them, and cleaning their homes, and taking care of their “is it time for you to go to your dad’s yet?” kids? It’s the last note that brings me to my first contradiction. We are practicing social distancing…except…. Except when it comes to our kids. I share my kids 50/50 with their dad. And that has not stopped during this "time of covidity”, as my partner calls it (the background soundtrack of my days has become Don, singing “the covidity of the city” to the tune of System of a Down’s “Toxicity”). My kids come to me today, because it’s Monday, and they always come to me on Mondays, and go back to their dad’s the following Monday. I have no interest in changing this arrangement, partially because I miss my kids when they are not here, and partially because I am ready for them to go back to their dad’s about 5 days (and no longer than 7 days) after they arrive here. However…however…is my acceptance of this norm on the same level as my mom’s assumption that her hair appointment, scheduled for today, will still happen because “she hasn’t called to cancel”? I tried to explain to mom that the appointment is probably cancelled, and that the hairdresser likely didn’t call because she assumes that her clients will know that getting a haircut is not an “essential service”, but mom “common sensed” me into agreeing with her when she explained that her hairdresser works in her own basement, way out in the country (apparently, COVID-19 does not exist in basements, and definitely not in the country). The crazy thing is that I agreed with her. Now, that was a few days ago, which - in pandemic time - is like a year ago. I further agreed with her “need to get out of the house” when I spoke to dad, and he expressed his sympathy for mom because she has a bum foot, and can’t go for the long (like we’re talking HOURS long) walks my dad takes every day to keep him from spontaneously combusting (doing nothing is my dad’s anti-slogan). “Well, as long as she is staying out of grocery stores…”, I said - because I know how mom likes to grocery shop a bit every day. I later found out that mom is NOT staying out of grocery stores because she can’t imagine having someone else choose her produce and her meat for her - “How would they know what I want?” She is impossible to argue with. I could get all “Mom - people are DYING…”, but what would that accomplish? First of all, my mom - like all of us, I dare say - has this “it won’t happen to me” mindset. Second, my parents, at 77 and 82, honestly do not see themselves as old. I used to think that 40 was old. Now I am 45, and not feeling old. At what point do we actually accept that we are “old”? And, at what point do we force our parents to give up the things in their lives that give them joy in order to stay alive? Don’s dad lives in a nursing home, and nobody - NOBODY - is allowed to visit him right now. His wife and daughter used to come twice a day, and he would still beg for them to come more often. Now he is completely alone. And healthy…but is he really healthy? Is physical health more important than emotional and mental health? How long can this kind of isolation go on before we (and especially those in lock-down) are changed forever, on an emotional level? What kind of man will we encounter when we are allowed to visit again? Back to my mom, and my third point…if I yell at her and try to convince her that people are dying and she could, too, I run the risk of being a total hypocrite. I am the one who went to the LCBO AND the drug store yesterday. And - back to my original point - I am the one who is welcoming my kids back home today, after they have spent a week in another home. Now, if there is anyone I can trust to maintain a clean home, it is my “to-do-list-writing busy-body” ex-husband. But - but…and that’s the point. BUT. We all seem to be making rules, and then including the “but”. Mom needs to stay home so she stays healthy - BUT - she needs to get out sometimes, AND she needs to choose her own produce…and she “looks sick and pale when (her) hair is gray…”. People need to stop visiting people, BUT…my neighbour turned 68 yesterday, and his wife turns 60 today, and their sons came over last night because “they all work together anyway”, and she brought us over two pieces of cake, which meant that she came to our front door and well within our six feet radius…and we ate it. Of course we did. It would be rude not to accept it, right? And it was CAKE. I love cake.